He put a ring on it. Now what?
This is an exciting time in your lives, so make sure you take the time to enjoy it. A lot of people announce their engagement to the world by updating their relationship status on Facebook or posting it on Instagram and/or other social media pages, but there is something you should do first: If you have kids, talk to your children first. Then call all of your closest friends and family. Give them the honor of hearing the news first and straight from you. Do not text or email, unless it is absolutely necessary. I know it is an exhilarating time, but after all the tears of joy, shock, and excitement, take the time to personally talk to your closest friends and relatives, before announcing your great news to the rest of the world. Posting it online seems like a quick, easy way to let everyone know at once, but your loved ones will greatly appreciate the personal announcement and it will mean a lot to them. It also goes a long way to help them feel closer to you and eliminates potential hurt feelings, especially later on if you ask them to part of the bridal party.
Parents on both sides will be excited to help you both share the news, so if there is someone that you would like to tell personally, let them know. Clear communication is important to avoid any confusion. You can say something like, “I know that you are just as excited as we are, but I am planning on calling ______ tomorrow. I am looking forward to hearing their reaction when I tell them”.
Just a suggestion but before posting it on any social media outlet, get a manicure. Once you start letting people know, the first thing they usually want to do is see the ring. Your ring, and hands, are going to get a lot of attention.
Right after looking at the ring, the endless questions start. Have you set a date yet? Where are you getting married? Is it going to be a big wedding? Small wedding? Have you picked your bridal party yet? Who are your bridesmaids? What are your wedding colors? Have you found a dress yet?
Please keep in mind that they are just excited for you and want to know your plans and what you are doing. They are not trying to overwhelm you or stress you out.
This is just the beginning of a new chapter in your lives together, so you will not have answer to all their questions, if any of them yet, and that is perfectly fine. You might have a vague idea of what, where, when, how - but there will be a lot of major decisions that will need to be made before anything will become a reality and there will be plenty of time to figure all of that stuff out. In the meantime, it is acceptable to respond to all the endless questions with "We are still deciding", "I will let you know as soon as I know," or "We are just enjoying the engagement right now". Just be prepared to hear all the unsolicited opinions of your family and friends about when and where you should get married. Again they are not trying to make you pull out all your hair, they just care and are trying to be helpful.
Another question that you might also start getting bombarded with is…the baby question. If it does not happen after getting engaged, it will after the wedding. You can politely tell the question askers that you can only handle one life-changing event at a time, or that that you are simply waiting for the right time. Do not let other people make you feel pressured into rushing into having children or have children at all. The choice is between you and your Fiancé.
Take Time to Enjoy: DO NOT start making your plans! Yes, it is only natural to start making wedding plans but seriously, just wait. Take some time to just enjoy being engaged and each other.
Yes, there are a lot of things that need to be discussed, major decisions that need to be made, but there is plenty of time to do all the things that need to be done, so WAIT! I know it is a hard thing not to just bring out your box of pictures, ideas, and scraps of paper, if you are the type that has been planning your wedding since you were very young. If you are not, you might be feeling like you are behind and need to start rushing to get everything done. Resist that urge.
Your fiancé probably just spent a lot of money on the perfect ring, stressed themselves out about the proposal, and would enjoy a little bit of time to just be with you, happily in love with each other. Something you can do right now, alone and/or together, start documenting your adventure in a separate journal.
Did you know:
According to the "The Marriage Proposal Survey." on the Chillisauce Ltd, website, approximately:
31% of proposals are done on Christmas Eve,
22% on Valentine's Day,
18% on New Year's Eve,
11% on the anniversary of the day they met,
9% on a birthday, and
7% on Christmas Day.
Care for your Ring
Insure your ring: You should have it appraised and insured for its full replacement value. That way if something should have to it, such as losing it, it gets stolen or damaged, it is covered.
Cleaning and Inspections: You should get it professional cleaned and inspected twice a year. In between the professional cleanings, the best way to clean it yourself is to use a few drops of Dawn® dish detergent, some warm water, and a soft toothbrush. Rinse with clean warm water and dry with a soft cloth, being careful not to snag and pull on the prongs. BE CAREFUL not to clean or rinse your ring with running water in the sink, chances are it will inevitably go down the drain.
Storage: Taking care of your ring means taking it off occasionally. Some of the times that you should not wear your ring is while playing sports, gardening, or carrying anything heavy, even luggage. When you are not wearing your ring, you should store it in a ring box, pouch, or jewelry box with dividers to prevent other pieces from scratching it.
It is also clever to have special box in the kitchen, to keep it safe and secure while washing dishes, preparing food, and while cleaning the house. Harsh chemicals and soaps can damage the ring. One in the bathroom is advised as well, to prevent it from getting a buildup of makeup, lotion, and perfume on your ring.
Remember that even while on the Honeymoon or other vacation to have a safe place to store your ring. You will want to make sure not to get sunscreen on your ring. You should never swim in the ocean with your ring on either. The cold water can make your finger shrink just enough that the moving water can slip it right off your finger. Swimming pools and hot tubs are safer, but keep in mind that they are treated with chlorine, which can damage and discolor your ring.
Resizing: Unless absolutely necessary, do not get your ring resized, you risk having to get the entire band and setting redone. During pregnancy, it is likely that you might experience swelling, preventing you from wearing your ring, but instead of running to resize it, simple wait six months after pregnancy, and it should be able to be worn again. During that time, maybe wear a band on your finger so you do not feel so naked.
Other Ring Things
During the wedding ceremony, if you do not want to wear it on your left hand, you can wear it on your right hand and then discreetly move it over after the ceremony. You can practice this during the rehearsal, if you desire.
ALWAYS wear your wedding band on the bottom so it is the closest to your heart. The engagement ring goes on top.
It is acceptable to not wear your engagement ring all the time or on your right hand, after the ceremony, especially if the engagement ring is an heirloom and does not match the wedding band you have chosen. You may choose to only wear your engagement ring for special occasions. It is entirely up to you and what you are comfortable with.
Engagement ring for him? Absolutely, if that is what you both want, or if you are proposing to him. It can be a simple band, to something that has a special engraving, or even both your birthstones.
Engagement Photography Shoot
You might want to have an engagement photo shoot, not only to capture the memories, but also gives you the option to include a picture with your engagement announcement, to use as décor during the wedding, to give as gifts to family, make a coffee table book, wall collage, or a portrait to hang in your home. You can even use one or more on your wedding program and/or invitations. It can also give you the opportunity to try out a photographer and see if you all mesh, and hire them for the wedding as well.
You should have your engagement photo shoot soon after getting engaged, especially if you plan on placing an announcement in the newspaper or other publications. It is also best to get them done before you start getting stressed from planning the wedding. The shoot is usually held within the first month of the engagement. Having the photo shoot also helps get in in wedding planning mode. It will also give you an idea of what lighting, poses and shots that you like the best before the big day.
Tip – schedule a hair and makeup trial for the morning of the engagement shoot, so you can decide if that is what you will be going with or if you need to change anything.
Some things to decide before you book your photographer:
Posed or Candid or Both
Formal or Causal or Both
Outfits: (solid colors highly recommended)
Groom’s Formal Attire: _______________________________________________________
Bride’s Formal Attire: ________________________________________________________
Groom’s Casual Attire: _______________________________________________________
Bride’s Casual Attire: _________________________________________________________
Groom Outfit 1: _____________________________________________________________
Bride Outfit 1: ______________________________________________________________
Groom Outfit 2: _____________________________________________________________
Bride Outfit 2: ______________________________________________________________
Groom Outfit 3: _____________________________________________________________
Bride Outfit 3: ______________________________________________________________
Jewelry: (keep it simple or one statement piece)
Rings: Should only be your Engagement Ring
Watches should be left off.
Shared Home ____________________
Urban Setting ___________________
The place you first Met ____________
First Date Location _______________
Smiling at each other
Re-enact the proposal
Arms around Shoulders
* If you are including your pets, you should inform your photographer to make sure they allow that and are not allergic to pes.
* You will need to confirm that pets are allowed at the location of the photo shoot.
* Make sure that the location will be comfortable for your pets such as avoiding hot pavement or avoiding snow melt in the winter, both of each can hurt your pet’s paws.
* Consider bringing someone along to hold your pets while you are busy posing for pet less pictures.
* Do not forget the water and treats. They will likely be a little bit restless and wanting to check out the new environment, do not get too stressed. Play with them as you would at home to help them get comfortable, plus they can make good candid shots. Treats can help entice them to behave a bit better.
This is just the start and I hope this helps get you started without all the stress.
Again, Congratulations and I look forward to working with you.